you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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