Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
