she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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