and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Please, let me fuck your mom
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
