I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
