she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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