I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
