there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
