my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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