Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
