I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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