then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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