Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
