if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
