Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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