Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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