You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
