Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
