i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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