forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize