I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
