I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize