All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
