easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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