I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
