Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize