I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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