yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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