remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
