so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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