I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
