I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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