I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize