So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
