I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is Oprah even human
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
