I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
