I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
