i think my tv is drunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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