i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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