Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
