where am i from again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
