i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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