Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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