I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
