I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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