i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
