I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
