the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
