The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?