Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.

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(647): a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much. http://tfl.nu/8vwu

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

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(832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3

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(403): Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3 http://tfl.nu/lt38

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(415): View more from California

And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

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(415): And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?! http://tfl.nu/ikec

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(619): View more from California

i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already

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(619): i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already http://tfl.nu/q3zb

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(708): View more from Illinois

Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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(708): Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person. http://tfl.nu/v0my

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(705): View more from Ontario

Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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(705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5

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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up

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(410): I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up http://tfl.nu/ucpy

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(804): View more from Virginia

Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry

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(804): Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry http://tfl.nu/mjn0

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(269): View more from Michigan

If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you

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(269): If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you http://tfl.nu/cez4

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(696): View more from

Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?

(451): View more from

Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes

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(696): Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right? (451): Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes http://tfl.nu/39ll

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think

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(724): So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think http://tfl.nu/tp1z

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(708): View more from Illinois

Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.

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(708): Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator. http://tfl.nu/0mqk

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(334): View more from Alabama

Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.

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(334): Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner. http://tfl.nu/nga8

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