the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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