Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.