Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background