she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
