Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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