it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
