You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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