before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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