another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
