There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
