Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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